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Everybody Scores!
DCKickball Capital Conference
Week Two: May 10-11, 2006
Inside this issue:
- RULE Reminders
- The POWER Poll
- PREVIEWS for This Week's Games
- The WEATHER Report
- Kickball Classifieds and Lots More!
Good and Getting Gooder
As you've probably heard by now, Week
One of the Capital Conference's
inaugural season was a roaring
success. Thanks to everyone for
making things run smoothly on the field
and at the bar. There's still room for
improvement, though!
- On the Field:
Captains, please remember that -- if
things run perfectly -- you have only 45
minutes to play 5 innings. That averages
out to only 4.5 minutes per half-inning.
Please urge your players to get to the
fields early. And please have
your kicking line-up and field positions
for each inning nailed down well before
the game starts -- to make sure
that no precious time is wasted on
figuring out who's going to play where.
- At the Bar:
Turn-out was great! Were you there last
week? Did you miss it? Some people did.
Boo on them! If you missed it, you
missed a lot of fun. Don't miss
it this week! Getting to the
bar is easy. Just hop on the Metro or
bum a ride. You can find easy driving
directions at
http://dckickball.org/capital/.
Pitching Properly: A Rule Reminder
The pitcher must pitch underhanded.
AND he/she must be in
contact with the rubber pitching
strip at the beginning of a
pitch. (So save your running
wind-ups for cricket or some other
sport, pitchers.) ... See example
below.
Moreover, he/she has to have both
feet behind the pitching strip when
the kicker kicks the ball. The
pitcher can step over the strip
during the release of the pitch, but
the pitcher must quickly return
both feet behind the strip
before the ball is kicked.
Otherwise, it's a ball. ... See
example below.
These pitching restrictions help
make balls more kickable by making
sure the pitcher does not take a
crazy running overhand wind-up, and
they also make sure that the pitcher
does not crowd the plate -- giving
the kicker-runner a fair chance to
get on base. If a pitcher is over
the strip during the kick, a
side ump should quickly
alert the head ump that a ball
should be called.
Results from Last Week
Yet To Be Determined 5, Red
Rovers 2
Big Kids 5, Your Mom's Team
4
Team Lush 2, Seconds from
Disaster 0
Lunchbox KC 3, Recess
Appointments 0
Thick Femur 13, Got Balls 0
DC Detention 10, AA-Team 2
Kick-Ass Ballers 2, Bad News
Barristers 1
Afternoon Delight 4, Here
for the Beer 3
Weather Report
This week,
Everybody Scores! introduces a new
feature that likely will prove useful to you
in coming weeks: It's a weather report; you
read it. This week's Weather Report been
compiled by Special Correspondent
Shorty J, aka Yo Mama's Weather Girl.
...
It's looking good for Wednesday
kickballers but not that good for
Thursday kickballers.
Wednesday
-- Generally
sunny
despite a few afternoon clouds. High: 78
degrees. Winds: SSW at 5 to 10 miles per
hour.
Thursday
-- Shoo! Shoo, rain!
Possible
thunderstorms
(50-percent chance). High: 76 degrees.
Winds: SE at 14 miles per hour.
NOTE: Your board of
directors will post rainout notices on
the
website by 5 p.m. on game days.
If you check the site and there's no
notice of a rainout, that means that the
GAMES ARE ON! So head to the fields and
weather be damned! And even if the
weather IS ugly, remember that we
always still go to the bar
no matter what!
Overheard on the Mall
"Hey,
Todd, I bet you can't hit one of
those softballers from here."
Be An Ump!
The Capital Conference still needs people to
act as head
umpires. The perks are
numerous. For example, you get to become
almost famous in kickball circles. And you
get to tell people what to do. And sometimes
people buy you beers. Contact Marc at MrcEngland@aol.com
if you want to be a head ump. Seriously,
it's not as hard as it looks. It's just
kickball.
This Week's Match-Ups PLUS Predictions!
Where do we play? You can find a
map of the fields at
http://dckickball.org/capital/PermitMap.pdf.
Each week, just head to good ol' No. 3 to
find out exactly where you will be playing.
This week, ES!
introduces a WAGERING LINE and GAME
PREDICTIONS along with game previews.
(Please, no actual wagers. Lines are for
entertainment purposes only.) Pickers this
week are "Lawn Mower Man" Eric L., Hilary "HardCore"
G., and "ScottPockets."
WEDNESDAY, MAY 10
Thick Femur (-7) vs.
Kick-Ass Ballers
6:30 p.m.
Field A
Umps: HftB, DCD
Two rookie teams in a row? How did Thick
Femur get this lucky? The interesting thing
to note here is that BOTH teams are
undefeated, making this our first official
"moment of truth" of the season. (Yeah, we
know it's only Week 2. ... So?) The outcome
for this game shouldn't be that difficult to
predict. Thick Femur has stated that it's
goal for the season is to remain
undefeated. And looking at the
resumes of the TF players, that's a very
reachable goal -- but one that's no fun for
the rest of us. Therefore, as of right
now, we are officially making it our goal to
foil Thick Femur at every turn. So here's a
little help for KAB: The TFer named Carlton
never kicks at the first pitch. And he is
very very fond of man-bunting
("munting"). He is also fond of Hummel
figurines and Nicholas Sparks novels -- not
that there's anything wrong with that.
AA-Team
vs.
Afternoon Delight (-2)
6:30 p.m.
Field B
Umps: GB, BNB
The Delightful Ones had a rollicking good
time in their close game last week against
Here for the Beer. Now far be it from us to
accuse AD of cheating, but word on the
street is that they had a little help from a
ringer they had called up from the
minors (Adams Morgan). This week,
they might not be so lucky. AA-Team learned
a lot of lessons last week against DC
Detention. (AAT's new motto?
"Fool me once, shame on -- shame on you.
Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.")
Look for AAT to leverage some of that new
wisdom to give Afternoon Delight a serious
run for their money.
Here for the Beer vs.
DC Detention (-4)
7:15 p.m.
Field A
Umps: TF, KAB
It seems like just yesterday that those
people known collectively as DCD were
playing not so well in another kickball
league. Now, suddenly they are among the
most elite teams in the
conference. But nothing lasts forever. Here
for the Beer is not just here for the beer,
it seems. After last week's admirable
struggle against Afternoon Delight, HftB has
shown that they can put up a good fight.
This week, DCD will be wise to use serious
strategy ... and deodorant.
(I mean, seriously. Have you smelled their
pits?!)
LMM: DCD
HC: HftB
SP: DCD
Got Balls vs.
Bad News Barristers
(pick 'em)
7:15 p.m.
Field B
Umps: AAT, AD
Got Balls players, wait! Before you go and
change your name to "Got Shut Out," be
advised that you CAN beat the Bad News
Barristers! All you have to do is the
exact opposite of what you
did last week. Easy enough, right? The good
news is that BNB is waaaay fresh. They still
have that new-team smell. So take advantage
of it, Got Balls! As for you, BNB, if you
really want to win this game, try a little
intimidation. Show up wearing black T-shirts
and drinking Powerade out of a
plastic bone.
LMM: GB
HC: GB
SP: GB
Afternoon Delight relishes a victory.
THURSDAY, MAY 11
Yet To Be Determined vs.
Big Kids (-4)
6:30 p.m.
Field A
Umps: LKC, TL
Using the transitive property of
kickball @ss-kicking, we can
demonstrate that YTBD will beat the Big Kids
this week. 1) YTBD beat the Rovers last
week. 2) The Rovers beat the Big Kids a
couple of weeks ago in an
unofficial pre-season invitational
mini-tournament. 3) Therefore, YTBD can beat
the Big Kids. ... We're not going to be
graded on this, are we? We've been known to
be wrong. And, you know, it IS entirely
possible that the Big Kids'
super-strong outfield as well as
YTBD's inclination toward super-slow
pitching could swing things in favor of the
Kids. (Hint, hint, YTBD.)
LMM: BK
Seconds from Disaster vs.
Recess Appointments (pick 'em)
6:30 p.m.
Field B
Umps: YMT, RR
SfD is already in the lead for the
Best Prop Award. No, it ain't the
sailor hats. It's not the sunglasses,
either. Nor is it the balloons or the
headbands. And it's not the tube socks,
either. It's actually the empty wallet from
buying all that stuff. This game, therefore,
is ripe for a fix. A little payola thrown
the way of SfD can make everything A-OK for
RA on Wednesday -- if you ow-knay
what we ean-may. This'll be a
good game. These teams are gonna have fun.
Place your bets!
LMM: SfD
Lunchbox KC
(-3) vs.
Team Lush
7:15 p.m.
Field A
Umps: YTBD, BK
We are going to take the high road and not
even mention the rivalry that was building
between these two teams back in -- oops.
Damn. ... Well, we screwed that up. In any
event, let's just say that these teams --
although not the same teams that they were a
few years ago -- still start
salivating when they see each
other's color. It's like neither one
can stand the thought that there's another
team out there wearing a girly color -- and
putting everyone else to shame at the bar.
These two teams are cut from the
same cloth. This could be the game
of the week.
Your Mom's Team (-5) vs.
Red Rovers
7:15 p.m.
Field B
Umps: SfD, RA
Wait. We take that back. THIS game could be
the game of the week. The Rovers are tired
-- TIRED, I tell ya! -- of losing all the
time. And Your Mom's Team is tired of losing
games because of technicalities
(rainy fields and the threat of darkness).
These teams are angry -- ANGRY, I tell ya.
But that doesn't mean much. An angry Rover
is like an angry kitten: It's still so damn
cute you can't stand it. And an angry Mom is
like an angry sloth: It's still a pretty
mellow creature. So "intense but fun" is how
we'll characterize this game. We also hear
that there's a bet in the works
for this budding rivalry: The losing team
will buy the winning team a kitten ... or a
sloth.
LMM: YMT
HC: YMT
SP: RR
Looks like they really ARE here for
the beer.
The Power Poll
Each week The Power Poll
will let you know who's on top and who's
on bottom. How are teams ranked? Easy.
The Capital Conference works in
conjunction with the NSA to conduct a
secret survey each week. Survey
panelists include anonymous kickball
observers -- observers who know
absolutely nothing about kickball,
despite their claims to the contrary.
The Power Poll should NOT be taken
seriously. If you take it seriously, you
will be reported to the NSA.
1. Thick Femur
The Black Death is still
picking bits of kickball from their
cleats this week.
2.
Big Kids
Lofty perch for a
team that hasn't finished with a
winning record in three years?
3.
DC Detention
Team motto this
season may be "dominant, but not as
much as Thick Femur"
4.
Lunchbox KC
Pepto Kickball has
never lost a Week One game in three
years of existence.
5.
Your Mom's Team
Anxious to build on
last year's finish, when they were
the hottest team in kickball.
6.
Team Lush
Early signs of life
for Purple Power. Hoping to build
momentum for the new season.
7.
Yet To Be Determined
The only rookie team
to beat a veteran team last week.
8.
Afternoon Delight
Week One's most
inspiring performance, even though
they wear lime green.
9.
Kick-Ass Ballers
They wear Dropkicker
Blue. What does that mean? They'll
have to ask this week's opponents.
10.
Here for the Beer
If God's not a Here
for the Beer fan, why did he make
the sky Here-for-the-Beer blue?
11.
Red Rovers
Were they angry
after last week's loss? Nah, they're
too happy-go-lucky.
12.
Got Balls
Sure, they got beat
by 13, but they made some good plays
along the way. Could be a team to
watch.
13.
AA-Team
Elissa
doesn't really care about the games.
She just wants to get to the bar and
play flip-cup.
14.
Recess Appointments
Another team that
will be trouble for everyone once
they get it all together.
15.
Bad News Barristers
Shut out for the
first four innings last week and
then staged a marvelous
almost-comeback.
16.
Seconds from Disaster
Well, SOMEone had to
come in last. A win this week will
change that quickly.
Kickball Classifieds
Freebies
FREE STUFF! Bars, tables, sofa, loveseat,
lamps, etc. We have to empty the house, and
the yard sales are done, so we are starting
the Goodwill trips. If there is anything on
this website that you want, e-mail me fast
before it's gone.
http://hilarygazzola.homestead.com/ForSale.html
Beach House
LOTS OF OPENINGS in big group house in the
Outer Banks for Memorial Day week (Friday to
Friday). House is near Duck, on the beach,
$175 covers food and alcohol. Interested?
Contact Carter Rabasa at
carter.rabasa@gmail.com.
Got something to sell? Need a roommate? Want
to confess a secret crush?
Everybody Scores!
welcomes your announcements in the Kickball
Classifieds. DCKickballers may submit
noncommercial announcements at no charge.
Send announcements to
LSTillett@yahoo.com.
Etc.
Everybody Scores!
wants your funny photos and
witty writings. Send
contributions to
LSTillett@yahoo.com. Also keep in mind
that you can add photos at
www.flickr.com, tagging them with "dckickball"
or "dckickball-capital." (Your captains
should know all the ins and outs of adding
DCKickball photos on Flickr. Ask them or ask
us if you are not sure how to go about it.)
If you do not want to receive
e-mail messages and important
reminders from DCKickball and the Capital
Conference, you are very very foolish and
will be left in the dark on a lot of
important matters. Regardless, you may
log in to your account at
www.dckickball.org and change your
e-mail preferences. Still, we strongly
advise against it.
***Everybody Scores!***
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