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Everybody Scores!
DCKickball
Capital Conference
Week Three: May 17-18,
2006
Inside this issue:
- The WEATHER Report
- Another POWER Poll
- PREVIEWS for This
Week's Match-Ups
- Select Photos, Kickball
Classifieds and Other Stuff!
Results from Last Week
Kick-Ass Ballers 3,
Thick Femur 2
AA-Team 4, Afternoon
Delight 1
Here
for the Beer 3, DC
Detention 0
Bad
News Barristers 4, Got
Balls 1
Postponed by rain, will
be replayed on MAY 25:
6:30
Games
YTBD
vs. Big Kids
Seconds from Disaster
vs. Recess Appointments
7:15
Games
Lunchbox KC vs. Team
Lush
Your
Mom's Team vs. Red
Rovers
Weather Report
Once again, this
week's Weather Report been compiled
by Special Correspondent Shorty J,
aka Yo Mama's Weather Girl. ...
The Top 5 Reasons Why
Rain Won't Stop Us This Week:
* 5
Who doesn't love Slip 'N Slide?
* 4
Some people (cough, cough) haven't been
to the bar in two weeks, if at
all.
* 3
For those Wednesday kickballers, we all
know who's getting kicked
off of American Idol.
It's (insert name here).
* 2
For those Thursday kickballers, "The
Office" season finale was last
week. In case you
tivoed it, we won't ruin it for you, but
GO, JIM!
* And the No.
1 reason why rain won't stop us
this week ... Wet kickballers = sexy
kickballers. 'Nuff said?
OK. Enough
jibber-jabber. Here's this week's
forecast:
Wednesday
-- A low of 57 degrees, with 73 degrees
for the high.
PM showers
(30-percent chance).
Projected sunset:
8:15 p.m.
Thursday
-- A low of 59 degrees, with 73 degrees
for the high.
Isolated
thunderstorms
(30-percent chance). Projected sunset:
8:16 p.m.
NOTE: Your
board of directors will post rainout notices
on the
website by 5 p.m. on game days.
If you check the site and there's no notice
of a rainout, that means that the GAMES ARE
ON! So head to the fields and weather be
damned! And even if the weather IS ugly,
remember that we always still go to
the bar no matter what.
This Week's Match-Ups!
Where do we play? You
can find a map of the
fields at
http://dckickball.org/capital/PermitMap.pdf.
Each week, just head to good ol' No. 3 to
find out exactly where you will be playing.
(In honor of Barry Bonds' homerun dry spell,
this week ES!
will forego the wagering line and game
predictions. Use your own crystal ball
this week.)
WEDNESDAY, MAY 17
Kick-Ass Ballers vs.
DC Detention
6:30 p.m.
Field A
Umps: HfB, TF
The Kick-Ass Ballers --
who stunned juggernaut Thick Femur last week
-- are at the top of the standings. But in
the topsy-turvy, on-again-off-again world of
DC Detention, anything goes. The Detainees
could get their mojo back at any moment of
any day. The Ballers better brace
themselves.
Got Balls
vs.
Afternoon
Delight
6:30 p.m.
Field B
Umps: AAT, BNB
Note that Afternoon
Delight's delight is not actually limited to
the afternoon. The team has been known to
delight in many things well into the p.m.
That said, the team's delight is not
limitless. With a record of 1-1 and with Got
Balls itching for its first win, AD might
not take much delight in this game. Got
Balls could poop on an otherwise delightful
party for AD this week.
Here for the Beer vs. Thick Femur
7:15 p.m.
Field A
Umps: KAB, DCD
Assuming that the photos
we have seen have not been doctored, Thick
Femur and Here for the Beer appear to be two
of the funnest Wednesday teams around ... at
the bar. Let's hope that the fun at the Mug
also translates into fun on the field for
these two hard-kicking teams. But don't be
surprised if there are many frowns and a lot
of sweat during this game. For the winner,
the victory could be hard-earned.
AA-Team
vs.
Bad News Barristers
7:15 p.m.
Field B
Umps: GB, AD
This game is a win-win
situation for AA-Team. If they win on the
field, they win. And if they lose on the
field, they can still win by retaining the
Barristers as cheap counsel. (Seriously, if
your team name has an "AA" in it and you
don't have some lawyers on speed-dial,
you're probably not exactly the roundest
kickball in the equipment bag -- if you know
what we mean.)
Kickball Tip No. 241:
Conjoined twins = an easy double play.
THURSDAY, MAY 18
Seconds from Disaster
vs.
Big Kids
6:30 p.m.
Field A
Umps: YMT, TL
We just realized this
week that "Seconds from Disaster" is the
name of a National Geographic program --
which makes a lot of sense, given that SfD
comprises many NatGeo employees. (NOW we get
it!) So now we're wondering whether "Big
Kids" is also the name of a cable program --
maybe some Discovery Health show about large
bottle-sucking babies who have to wear
sheets for diapers -- just like the real Big
Kids, except without the cigarettes.
Yet
To Be Determined vs.
Recess Appointments
6:30 p.m.
Field B
Umps: LKC, RR
Each of these teams has played only one game
so far. YTBD won its game; RA lost its game.
So we're hard-pressed to say that we really
know what these teams are made of. But
there's one way sure-fire to find out what a
team is made of: vivisection. Now don't get
us wrong. We're not advocating "medical
research." But it sure would make for one
hell of a kickball bet.
Your Mom's Team vs.
Team
Lush
7:15 p.m.
Field A
Umps: SfD, BK
We know it seems like we
say this every week, but there's a serious
rivalry emerging between Team Lush and
_____. In this case, the rivalry is legit.
There are some former Lushes playing on YMT.
So the game'll be a doozie -- also because
both teams include stellar athletes. In
fact, they should just merge. The new team?
Your Mom's a Lush.
Lunchbox KC vs.
Red Rovers
7:15 p.m.
Field B
Umps: YTBD, RA
Those who know the
history of these two teams know that in
recent years Lunchbox has been the strongest
Thursday team, and the Rovers have been,
well, the Rovers. So what makes us think
that this game will defy the Vegas odds?
Well, for one thing, the Rovers are wearing
legitimate red this year -- not "cardinal"
or "crimson" or "scarlet" or "maroon" or
"burgundy." The red is for real, and seeing
all that intimidating blood-tinted fabricky
goodness could send the Pink Ones into a
tailspin. Of course, most of the time
Lunchbox isn't staring at their opponents;
they're watching the kickball go way over
their opponents' heads.
That's the kickball's
blood, not hers.
The Power Poll
The Power Poll
means absolutely nothing. It is not
intended to be used as a tool of
oppression or prejudice. If anything, it
should be used as an inspirational tool
-- or as a source of ice-breakers for
bar talk. (Example: "Hey, Rover! I see
your team still sucks this year. Wanna
make out?") We'll say it again: The
Power Poll should NOT be taken
seriously. If you take it seriously, you
will be forced to watch a filmstrip.
It's a kickball
tradition at this point -- an
anagram Power Poll! But this year,
we put a new twist on things.
Instead of making the team names
into anagrams, we decided to make
anagrams of the team CAPTAINS'
names. Have you heard how they say
there's truth in anagrams? Decide
for yourself!
1.
Kick-Ass Ballers
(Caitlin Toomey, Kealy Sloan) --
Socialite okay, only mental.
2. Thick
Femur (Eric Lancaster) --
Clean rear tics.
3.
Lunchbox KC (Karen
Potter, William Haughney) --
Unhealthily weak impregnator.
4.
Big Kids (Hilary
Gazzola, John Powers) -- A snazzier
jowly holograph.
5.
Your Mom's Team
(Patrick Carey, Marc England) --
Party Girl and Crack Menace.
6.
Team Lush (Rebecca
Miller, Erin Rynne) -- Mere linen,
cranberry lice.
7.
Yet To Be Determined (James
Menees) -- Jesse? Me? Amen!
8.
DC Detention (Mike
Conroy, Amy Thek) -- I am the rocky
monkey.
9.
Here for the Beer
(Lauren
Pinson, Dan Roman) -- One non-slurp
Ramada Inn.
10.
Bad News Barristers(Chris
Burrell, Rachel Hughey) -- Leech her
churlish burglary.
11.
Afternoon Delight(Carly
Van Orman, Steve Gilbert) --
Vacantly strong-arm believer.
12.
Red Rovers
(L. Scott Tillett) -- Celt tilts
tot.
13.
AA-Team
(Elissa
Shefrin) -- Fine relish ass.
14.
Recess Appointments
(Lauren Tighe, Cathy Setzer)
--Lacerate the zesty rig, hun.
15.
Seconds from Disaster
(Maggie Rhodes, Laura
Annalora) -- Rio lounge? Aha!
Salamander rag!
16.
Got Balls (Earl
Crane, Chan Lieu) -- Clean raunchier
ale.
Thick femurs,
but puny ulnas.
Kickball Classifieds
Got something to sell? Need a roommate? Want
to confess a secret crush?
Everybody Scores!
welcomes your announcements in the Kickball
Classifieds. DCKickballers may submit
noncommercial announcements at no charge.
Send announcements to
LSTillett@yahoo.com.
Etc.
Everybody Scores! wants your
funny photos and
witty writings. Send contributions
to
LSTillett@yahoo.com.
Also keep in mind that you can add
photos at
www.flickr.com,
tagging them with "dckickball" or "dckickball-capital."
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outs of adding DCKickball photos on Flickr.
Ask them or ask us if you are not sure how
to go about it.)
If you do not
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***
This week's
Everybody Scores!
has been brought to you by ...
Your Capital
Conference Board of Directors, assorted
special guest stars, and the letter "K."
Don't believe anything you have read in this
newsletter. It is loaded with fabrications,
embellishments, and misplaced modifiers.
***Everybody Scores!***
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