Everybody
Scores!
DCKickball
Capital
Conference
Week
Seven: June 21-22, 2006
Inside
this issue:
-
PARTY Reminder: THIS Saturday!
- An
Out-of-This-World POWER POLL
- A Very Special WEATHER Report
- MATCH-UP Previews for This CROSSOVER
Week!
- Plus
Subliminal Messages and Coupons for Free Foot Massages from JP
Party
THIS Saturday!
THIS
SATURDAY
(JUNE 24) at the UNION
PUB on Capitol Hill, your
Capital Conference Social Committee will throw
its first annual MID-SEASON
BASH. It's going to be: Mega-bad
... Awesome ... Super ... Terrific ...
Unbelievable ... Rockin' ... Bitchin' ...
Absolutely wild ... Totally rad ... and
Exciting!
Be there! A $10
cover gets DCKickball-Capital kickballers
THREE HOURS of
open bar and all the kickball
hotties you can stand. Do the math. How can you
go wrong? (Guests can get the
same deal for $20.)
Open bar includes draught,
wine, and rail from 10
p.m. to 1 a.m. After
the open bar has ended, you can still stick
around and pay for drinks if your thirst
hasn't been quenched.
Union
Pub is located at 201
Massachusetts Avenue, NE -- a short
walk from Union Station. Your Social Committee
(mainly Hilary and Carlton) has done a
supreme job in landing a great space for this
bash. There's plenty of room at Union
Pub. The interior is phat. The patio is
phatter. So bring along some friends if you
want. There should be plenty of room.
But as always, please plan
NOT to drive if you expect to get inebriated. There's
a Metro stop right down the
block at Union Station.
(Duh.) And all cabbies should know where Mass.
Ave. is. So get there! June 24. THIS
Saturday. Doors open at 9 p.m.
If you get there that early (before the open bar
starts), Union Pub should have some margarita
specials for you while you wait for the open bar
to begin.
You're gonna have a blast.
For the
Mid-Season Bash, ties are optional.
Wacky
Schedule: Crossover Week
This is our
second CROSSOVER
Week of the
season. That means that you should carefully
read
the match-up times and dates below.
If you don't trust us, you can check
with your captains and/or check
the website (www.dckickball.org/capital)
to see if you're playing on your
"opposite night" this
week. (Some teams are, some
aren't.)
Half
of all Wednesday teams will be
playing on Thursday. And half
of all Thursday teams will be
playing on Wednesday. (Also, half
of all Thursday teams are
lame.) This means that half of all
teams will be playing on their
regular night. So DON'T
ASSUME anything.
Check it out.
Flipped
Off
Just
a gentle
reminder to
play nice at flip-cup.
Your
all-volunteer,
unpaid board
of directors
spends enough
time massaging
the schedule,
managing
equipment,
lining up
umps, planning
parties,
niggling over
rules, and
rallying the
troops; we got
no time to
referee
flip-cup
games. So
please defer
to
conventional
etiquette when
playing
flip-cup: Share.
Take turns.
(This stuff
should have
been covered
in elementary
school -- just
like
kickball.)
Thanks for
listening.
Results
from Last Week
Seconds from Disaster
6, Red Rovers 0
Big Kids 4, Lunchbox
KC 1
Team Lush (forfeit)
over YTBD
Your Mom's Team 5,
Recess Appointments 1
Bad News Barristers
0, DC Detention 0
Here for the Beer
(forfeit) over Got Balls
Thick Femur 16,
Afternoon Delight 2
Kick-Ass Ballers 8,
AA-Team 2
Weather
Report
This
week's Weather Report been compiled by Special
Correspondent Shorty J, aka Yo Mama's Weather Girl.
(By the way, Shorty recently got engaged to
teammate Mountaineer Marc. Both play on Your
Mom's Team. Congratulations to them!)
Since we're at the peak of
the wedding season, here's something for you to
ponder. ...
If kickballers were wedding
planners:
1. There would be a rehearsal kegger
rather than a rehearsal dinner.
2. Purple, orange and red tuxes
would be as popular as black tuxes -- and a
sponsor bar's logo would appear on the backs
of them.
3. August weddings would be scheduled
around the end-of-season party and playoffs.
4. The bride would wear a tube
sock instead of a garter.
5. And favors would include cigarettes, Advil,
and vouchers for bloody-marys.
OK. Moving on ...
Wednesday:
A low of 73 degrees and a high of 89
degrees. Mostly sunny with a
20-percent chance of precipitation. Maximum
humidity: 48 percent. Projected sunset: 8:37 p.m.
Thursday:
A low of 74 degrees and a high of 93
degrees. Scattered thunderstorms
with a 40-percent chance of precipitation. Maximum
humidity: 55 percent. Projected sunset: 8:37 p.m.
NOTE:
Your board of directors will post rainout notices on
the website
by 5 p.m. on game days. If you check the site and
there's no notice of a rainout, that means that the GAMES ARE
ON! So head to the fields and weather be damned! And even if
the weather IS ugly, remember that we always
still go to the bar no matter what.
"Good game. Good game. Good
game. Good game."
This
Week's Match-Ups!
The wagering
line has been drawn by Capital's very own BOOKIE -- JP.
(Please, no actual wagers. Lines, which have been formulated by
JP Himself, are for entertainment
purposes only.) Pickers again this week are "Lawn
Mower Man" Eric L., Hilary "HardCore"
G., and "ScottPockets."
WEDNESDAY,
JUNE 21
Kick-Ass
Ballers (-3) vs. Team
Lush
6:30
p.m.
Field
A
Umps:
DCD, RR
This ought to be fun. The Ballers kick
ass, and so does Lush. We're placing our money
on ... an ass doctor.
Here
for the Beer vs. Your
Mom's Team (-4)
Field
B
Umps:
AD, BK
Crossover
Week Confusion: "What's the name of your team?" ... "We're
Here for the Beer." ... "Uh, that's not what I
asked, dammit." ... "Now wait just a minute,
Mister Yellow Shirt. Who do you think you are, cussing at me
like that?" ... "Your Mom's Team." [A fist
fight breaks out.]
LMM:
HftB
DC
Detention (-5) vs. Red
Rovers
7:15
p.m.
Field
A
Umps:
KB, TL
GAME
OF THE WEEK
Why
is this the Game of the Week? Why not? Yeah, the Rovers are STILL winless.
In fact, we believe the last time these guys were on the
winning end of a kickball game, it was 2004 -- unless you
count the pre-season Crystal Pitcher Invitational earlier this
year, in which a Rover-dominated team defeated the Big Kids.
(We're beginning to suspect a conspiracy.) DCD and RR have a
tradition of being fun on the field. The match-up could very
well end in a 0-0 tie, but the pervading sense of utterly
carefree joy during this game should
make spectators think that they are actually watching
elementary school kids, not adults, play the game. (That
and the pervading stench of urine-stained shorts.)
Afternoon
Delight vs. Big
Kids (-4)
7:15
p.m.
Field
B
Umps:
HftB, YMT
Skip the game. Let's go straight to
the dance-off at the bar.
LMM: BK
HC: BK
SP: BK
Thick Femur's stolen bone
seems to be enjoying its time away from the team.
THURSDAY,
JUNE 22
Bad
News Barristers vs. Yet
To Be Determined (-1)
6:30
p.m.
Field
A
Umps:
AAT, LKC
We
just found out today that a barrister is not a type of bear.
This makes BNB far less scary. YTBD can
totally take 'em ... if they show up.
Thick
Femur (-4) vs. Seconds
from Disaster
6:30
p.m.
Field
B
Umps:
GB, RA
GROAN OF
THE WEEK
Femur's
poor ickle bonesy-wonesy-kins remains missing. And they sure
could use it this week to club the rowdy Seconds into
submission (and quietude). ... Still, the lack "The
Bone" gives TFer Carlton an opportunity to use a
line he's been working on all season: "Is that a
bone in your tutu, or are you just glad to see me?"
LMM:
TF
HC:
TF
SP:
SfD
AA-Team
vs. Lunchbox
KC
(-3)
Field
A
Umps:
BNB, YTBD
"Soul
Train" Scramble Board time! Take the
"AA" in "AA-Team" and the "KC"
in "Lunchbox KC" and see how many words you can make
with them. You have 30 seconds. Aaaannnnnd GO!
Got
Balls vs. Recess
Appointments (pick
'em)
7:15
p.m.
Field B
Umps:
TF, SfD
GB is at the bottom of the standings.
Time to grab RA by the ankles and pull them
down to your level, GB! (Note to RA: To prevent GB from
grabbing your ankles, tuck them securely behind your ears.)
LMM: GB
The Power Poll means absolutely
nothing. Don't take it seriously. If you take it
seriously, you will be forced to kneel before Zod.
With all of the hype and
excitement over the upcoming release of
"Superman Returns," we present this
week's Power Poll with famous SUPERMAN QUOTES!
1. Big
Kids -- "You were great in
your day, but it just stands to reason, when it
came time to cash in your chips, this old
diseased maniac would be your banker."
2. Kick-Ass
Ballers -- "Doesn't it give
you kind of a shudder of electricity through you
to be in the same room with me?"
3. Lunchbox
KC -- "Well, I suggest a
vigorous chest massage, and if that doesn't
work, mouth-to-mouth."
4. Thick Femur
-- "Duane, you gotta learn to kick ass if
you wanna be a peacemaker."
5. DC
Detention -- "It's amazing
that brain can generate enough power to keep
those legs moving."
6. Seconds
from Disaster
-- "How big are you ... um... how *tall*
are you?"
7. Your
Mom's Team --
"The Dude of Steel! You are so gonna get
it!"
8. Team
Lush -- "You
know what I can do with a single strand of
Superman's hair?" ... "You can
make a toupee that flies!"
9. AA-Team
-- "I will kneel
before you if it will save lives."
10. Bad
News Barristers --
"Shoot him? You know about him and
bullets."
11. Here
for the Beer ---
"Do you know why the number 200 is so
vitally descriptive to both you and me? It's
your weight and my I.Q.!"
12. Yet
To Be Determined --
"I like trees." ... "So does your
average cocker spaniel."
13. Afternoon
Delight -- "I
wonder what they're wearing in Addis
Ababa?"
14. Red
Rovers- "You know a wise
man once said -- I think it was Attila the Hun
-- "It is not enough that I succeed;
everyone else must fail.'"
15. Recess
Appointments --
"Well, I hope you don't expect me to save
you, 'cause I don't do that anymore."
16. Got
Balls --"You can't do
this to me! I'm Gus Gorman!"
Etc.
***
If you do not want to receive e-mail messages
and important reminders from DCKickball and the Capital
Conference, you are very very foolish and will be left in the
dark on a lot of important matters. Regardless, you may log
in to your account at www.dckickball.org
and change your e-mail preferences. Still, we strongly advise
against it.
***
Got something to sell? Need a roommate? Want
to confess a secret crush? Everybody
Scores! welcomes your announcements in the Kickball
Classifieds. DCKickballers may submit noncommercial
announcements at no charge. Send announcements to LSTillett@yahoo.com.
***
Everybody Scores! also
welcomes your written or photographic contributions.
Send your stuff to LSTillett@yahoo.com.
***
Complaints? ... It's just kickball? And this
is just a crummy kickball newsletter. What would you possibly
complain about? ... Oh, maybe the Power Poll. Talk to JP about
that. He loves to get e-mail. His address is JP@ctam.com.
Complaints of a more generic nature may be sent to Scott at LSTillett@yahoo.com
***
This
week's Everybody Scores! has been
brought to you by ...
Your
Capital Conference Board of Directors and our imaginary
friends. Don't believe anything you have read in this
newsletter. It is loaded with fabrications, embellishments,
and garlic.
***Everybody
Scores! ... if not on the field, at the bar***
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